Travellin' Jones

"Travellin' Jones, I've seen the miles..."

-Ryan Bingham

A (detailed) account of our European shenanigans as American exports

Roles:

Anne Golembeski-the mom

Blair Gillespie-our financier

Katie Warner-navigator

Jocelyn Kuchta-insightful affirmations (ex. Anne-"Guys let's eat lunch before we see the Palace" Jocelyn-"Guys let's eat lunch before we see the Palace")

Margaret Metz-Anne's valium

Me-pace setter (most important by far obvi)

PS-Apparently I like bullet points in this blog. Remember you were forewarned.

PPS-I also repeatedly use the word "whilst."

Findley's-Bucket-List-That-Every-Young-American-Should-Keep-In-Their-North-Face-Pockets

1. Watch the sunrise through Czech Republic countryside, preferably on a train
2. Observe ye' old men in speedos play chess in Hungarian baths
3. Commence with a dance party at the House of Music at 10:00pm in Vienna
4. Buy Missoni designer socks in the middle of a recession in Siena

Part I

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Whilst the other half opted for a plane (wimps), Blair and I began our journey on a night train to Prague. Here's the short version:

• A Danish woman sans pants (wika whaaaat?!), basically dropped some f-bombs at poor young german girl because she could "feel that she didn't respect her child." Granted, this child was literally the spawn of satan, loud, and obnoxious. In this case satan wears black leggings with GINORMOUS holes in them showing her complimentary black thong...front and back.
• Whilst Blair snoozed like sleeping beauty, I took the liberty of snapping a few compromising shots. Will these photos appear at her wedding toast? Yes.
• Instead of sleeping in the Berlin train station during a layover from 11-6am as previously planned, we opted to find a hostel instead.

Prague: PraHA!

• The gang arrived (invaded) Prague in the morning, and convened at the Lennon Wall. It's essentially this wall that's covered in John Lennon graffiti, people's signatures, messages, etc. Naturally we signed the wall because our signatures will be...like...valuable one day.
• Saw Prague Castle where the Kings of Bohemia and Holy Roman Emperors used to reside. Remarked how it resembled my summer home. HAH
• Visited the famous Tyn Church
• Drank "hot wine"--Prague's speciality
• Drank "Starbucks"-America's speciality
• Halloween at a 5 story night club--my "flypaper" did not fail me in the Czech Republic either. A man in an Orc mask latched on to my waist again on the dance floor. Why?! On the bright side--I'm pretty sure I met and lost the love of my life. A young scandinavian man held my frigid hands whilst we waited outside in the entrance line. I like to think that we gazed lovingly into each others eyes, but Anne says I had a lopsided grin and was drooling a bit. Details, details...
• Ate the best brunch of my life at club/music store/bar that doubled as a restaurant. "Don't judge a book by its cover" affirmed.

Vienna: Wiener-Schnitzer-a-gogo-Land. "These are a few of my favorite things..."

• My Sound of Music impersonations were severely under appreciated. Even when I broke out into the BEST rendition of "how do you solve a problem like Maria..." not one smile. Gosh that Margaret Metz is one hard cookie to crack
• Realized Vienna is very much an ornate historical center in the middle of a growing industrial society.
• Went to the Habsburg Treasury where in fact, they had a sacred unicorn horn in the midst of their imperial crowns.
• Got sick the next morning and was convinced I had the flu. But I rallied. Because I'm that good.
• Tried to get into St. Stephens Basilica service, but got turned away because we were one too many (Americans).
• Wanted desperately to try a wiener-schnitzel (veal that's fried in bread crumbs) but didn't want to throw off my immune system when it was on the verge of recovery. So I opted to drink instead.
• Visited Schoenberg Palace where the Habsburgs resided. We took the audio guided tour which provided excellent commentary especially when it came to one painting: In the midst of war lord portraits, there's a painting of a young boy dancing merrily, clothed in a silk gown in a garden whilst posing goofily with his flute. The commentary said: "This is the young Habsburg Prince, also known as Little Prince Francie. He was declared incompetent to rule." HA
• Began the pattern of amusing our dinner waiters. I like to think I prompted this trend after elegantly elbowing our waiter, Herr Christian, at Central Cafe in the stomach. Throughout the night, he convinced Blair to order a donut amid rows of elaborate cakes for dessert (even though she hates donuts), made fun of Jocelyn for ordering two salads, and was called tomato face by his peers because he blushed every time we flirted with him. Well of course we got a picture with him, why do you even need to ask that? Memorable quote: "Ladies, I cannot multi-task. I am only a man!!"

Budapest: The Land of Surprises

• Overall, Budapest is a mix of cultures and reformations which is really reflected in its architecture. I suppose I was expecting more of a culture shock, but there's so many multi-ethnic undercurrents from the Slovs-Jews-Germans-etc.
• We were greeted by a guitar-strumming, barefooted Australian man in surf shorts at our hostel. His name was Mark. Katie can tell you more about that.
• Margaret informed us that we should avoid eye contact with Hungarian men...which of course goes against my natural nosy instincts.
• Went into another Basilica named St. Stephens (can't Europe find other saints to honor? Like..Saint...Frank?)
• Walked along the Danube River and saw the lights from the Chain Bridge, which absolutely took my breath away. Literally, I couldn't breathe because of sinuses mixed with cold air.
• Ate at a delicious restaurant called Humus Bar where once again we charmed the pants off our waiter (no, not literally this time). He gave us unlimited free tea drinks and free desserts at the end.
• Hiked up to Lady Liberty (no, not New York) and got lost in the Pest neighborhoods.
• I tried my best at haggling in the Hungarian market, only to piss off the "artist" and his $30 painted egg ornament that didn't even depict a Hungarian scene. Well excuuuuuse me.
• Visited the Matthias Church, the Fisherman's Bastian, and Europe's largest synagogue. I got a question about Moses right from our tour guide, which obviously reflects my 1/8th Jewish roots.
• Frolicked in the Hungarian baths amid pre-pubescient couples, 60+ couples (there's not much difference let me tell you), men that should be in speedos, and men that absolutely, under any and all circumstances shouldn't be in speedos.
• Mark the Aussie took Katie and I out for drinks where I tried my best to talk about fatigue and skepticism in the European Union after a whole bottle of wine.

Part II. Pasta-a-gogo-land

Venice: A city of fanny packs

• Took the night train to Venice where Blair and I slept on fold out beds mounted on the wall ABOVE the normal seats.
• Did my best rendition of "That's Amore" complete with dance moves and hand motions.
• When THAT didn't work, I did my best Brad Pitt impressions from Inglorious Bastards. "Arrivederci!"
• Amazed by all the tourists during the off season--hence the fanny packs. Because we all know that's a staple item for tourists. In fact Blair...
• Was hit in the face with a pigeon at St. Mark's Square in front of the clock tower.
• Walked across the famous Rialto bridge and into the carnival mask shops.
• Once again haggled a price for a Gondola ride. One of my stipulations was that he should sing to us...which he didn't. Our boatsman also had an answer for EVERY question we asked, even before we finished formulating our questions. Thus, Findley (feeling up the challenge) decided to blow him out of the Venice canal. "Do you think Turkey should be admitted into the EU?" Long pause....
• Apparently we're good paparazzi subjects because tourists on the bridge took pictures of us in the gondola and then shouted "find me on facebook!" We passed a boat of Asian tourists who ALL whipped out their cameras and began snapping photos of us.
• Discovered the sacred Italian concept call "aperitivo." Essentially, you pay for a wine spritzer and then get unlimited Italian food from a buffet. Genius!

Florence: Under the Tuscan...rain.

• My visions of Diane Lane frolicking in a Tuscan vineyard were immediately perforated by the weather. I gloomily stared at the J Crew sundresses I’d packed, and then swallowed my pride and pulled out the rain jacket.
• Visited the Duomo…in the rain
• Hit up a bookstore and some cappachinos…to get out of the rain
• Mingled about in the Uffizi gallery and tried our best to appear as real Italian fine art scholars. “Blair, if you had to date one of these Raphael characters, which one would you pick…”
• But as a side note, I did have a realization. It occurred to me that people enjoy traveling so much because for once, time doesn’t move in a linear fashion. When you’re standing before Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus,” you suddenly feel such a close proximity to the painter, even though it was created centuries ago. In this way, time becomes circular. (Wow Findley that was so profound and deep.)
• Ran into American Vanderbilt friends outside of Grom—which is essentially a gelato place that takes all the sweet heavenly secrets and adds just a touch of human sinfulness to create the best dark chocolate gelato known to mankind. NBD.
• Got into the Boboli gardens because Katie used her faux Danish accent, that saucy minx. Best views of Florence.
• Met Blair’s friends from Duke who introduced me to the best blueberry steak ever to be created by Homo sapiens.
• Oogled Michelangelo’s David at Galleria Academia. Before, we were a little confused as to why it was so famous apart from the sculptor’s name (blasphemy Findley!). BUT after gazing at this monumental work of extraordinary detail (even the veins in his arms are clear cut) that was created out of “abandoned block of marble”…we understood.
• Hit up the leather market…in the rain. Can you see the pattern developing?

Let me pause here. I’ve compiled a list of my favorite creepy Italian pick-up lines that demonstrate the sheer magnitude of my “flypaper for freaks” attraction:

1. Where has your smile gone?
2. I hope I see you again...no really….please come back
3. Find me on facebook!!
4. Oh.My.God

Siena: Where wine is cheaper than water

Here are my wishes:

• If I am to truly join the single-for-life-club (God forbid), then Siena is where I shall retire to be comforted with the thousand cats that roam the town, drink wine at every meal complimented by delicious butter ravoli stuffed with ricotta cheese and spinach, watch Italian men zooming on their mopeds, and window shop arm in arm with my gray-haired girlfriends.
• OH and maintain my fashionable image by buying unlimited Missoni scarves and socks.

Rome: The land of no limbs

-I’m sure many of you are confused as to why I

dubbed Rome-the land of no limbs. Well you see my friends, you can thank Blair for that. We were prepared for all the tourists in Rome, but we were NOT prepared for the beggars with missing limbs that line the streets. Please don’t think of this as a cold hearted insult, it’s just a mere observation. In fact, some of the beggars were fortunate enough to own a cell phone…now how does that work?

-Immediately regretted my decision to forgo packing shorts

-Visited the Spanish Steps

-Felt like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love when surrounded by couples at the Trevi Foutain.

-Toted Fodors Guide to Italy around at the Vatican Museums where two things happened. A) The security guard tried to trade his water for my coke zero. Idiot. B) How much money does the Roman Catholic Church actually have?!

-Got our Sistine Chapel on

-Amused Blair with historical information about St. Peter’s Basilica from Fodors as we waited in line. Discovered that nothing is painted in the basilica—it’s all mosaic. Which is so not a big deal at all. I meanreally. I don’t understand what all the fuss is about…HAH

-Climbed the narrow (claustrophobic) stair case to the top ofthe cupola

-Spotted the Swiss Vatican guards dressed in the “traditionaluniform designed my Michelangelo” aka the clown costume. Google it.

-Tried to go out only to discover that Italy doesn’t do thewhole “bar” thing. They siesta instead. Madness I tell you, madness.

-Fell in love with ancient Rome and the excavated ruins

-Got into the Colosseum for free courtesy of magical french woman

-Enjoyed a highly overpriced, but real Italian dinner with Blair

-Strolled about the flower market

-Decided it was probably time to stop eating gelato...and pasta...and drinking wine

-Flew back to the arctic tundra

I'm now too tired to think of any profound and/or amusing ending.

Because I'm such a world class traveler now.

And Glee is on.

Love y'all

Vi Ses!

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